Monday, July 6, 2009

Notes on fatness

Things I have learned in this experiment of gaining this weight:
  1. Everything hurts more. Granted, I'm not in constant physical pain. But, my joints and back hurt more than I ever remember experiencing. What the heck? You'd think with the extra padding that things would hurt less. (Yeah, I get it, the carrying of the weight thing - this was a joke.)
  2. There is nothing more terrifying than trying on clothes. With every pound, one cringes at the idea of having to buy more clothes to fit the added girth. But then you factor in the fitting room and then the dreaded check out (where, no doubt, there is some cute little thing - a size 2 - manning the register and eying the size, and then you, and innocently turning away as if she didn't notice). My most traumatizing weight-related experience to date was buying new pants at Old Navy. I was determined I wasn't going to spend a lot on the purchase of pants that wouldn't fit me long. I had to - horror of horrors - return to the sales floor three times to find a pair that would fit. Mortifying.
  3. When you accept yourself for the size that you are, you realize a motivation unlike anything ever experienced before. Accept it!
  4. When you naturally have large breasts, you really shouldn't get fat. They get big, big, big! The horror!
  5. Any kind of exertion causes a scary reduction in ability to breathe. Gasp!
  6. Food has a different meaning to you. I don't care what anyone says. When you are desperately overweight, the relationship you have with food changes. Instead of arming yourself with the nutrients and calories necessary to keep you alive, you experience this love-hate-love-hate-relationship with food. You want it all, yet you despise it. And then, you despise yourself for not being able to throw the crap out. Not to mention the inner debate you have in your head every time you hit the grocery store. It takes a serious f----ing grip to get past that.
  7. Shoes. I don't think I need to explain this one. If you've packed on the pounds, you know what I mean.
  8. Chafing and boob sweat. This, too, lacks explanation.
So, that being said, time to move on! I'm seriously determined to get back to the place I need to be. Who's with me?!

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