Sam-in-Limbo part deux

I keep asking myself where the sequence of events that led me to this moment started. Was it the losing of my position several years ago? Was it the seven funerals I went to over a two-year span? Was it a horrible, horrible break-up? I just don't know when exactly the ground started to shake. But I do know that it's starting to stabilize, and my reminiscing is only for the benefit of not repeating the same humiliating process.

I had to attend a hearing of with the trustee (part of the bankruptcy process) on the 9th. No creditors showed (surprise, surprise). It was in the federal courthouse downtown, which I found to be incredibly beautiful on the inside. There's this atrium in the front-center that reminds me of something out of photos of world's fairs long past. I wish I'd had a camera with me. Going back to take some photos might be awkward to explain to the guys at the metal detector. My meeting was practically first thing in the morning. So walking through that atrium alone, inevitably, my head turned upward to the skylight and balcony-hallways above. What a nice way to start the day that would begin the real relief (and possibly healing) of the past several years. Now, I have to begin the work of repairing my credit and re-starting my adult life.

When I was young, this is not how imagined my life would turn out. I imagined myself traveling, and writing, and having fun. Doing good in the world. Instead, I've stagnated into a truly ridiculous rut. Fear does that, I guess. Here's the funny part. I'm not really feeling afraid much anymore. I think the whole bankruptcy process has taught me something important, something I wished I'd learned a long time ago: people aren't judging me, and if they are, it isn't harshly.

I've gone a long time since feeling like I wanted people to see me. It's coming back. Wow, to not be in perpetual hiding is refreshing. I don't even think I realized I was doing it until now. Weird.

So, my lawyer informed me that I have to finish my pre-discharge course (online, thank God), and expect everything to be finished within seventy-five days (sixty for the creditors to object, but a little extra for me to have my final result). So, seventy-five days from Aug. 9th, it'll be done with. And not a moment too soon. I'm trying to think of something to reward myself with. Hmmm...

Analyzing the specimen

I don't know why I find it mortifying, but I do. Peeing in a cup and handing over to another person is downright weird. And not the good kind of weird. It's the I-can't-wait-to-leave-the-room-and-try-to-forget-this-experience weird. Not quite traumatizing. Not quite part of the norm.

So, the proof that I'm not a junkie of any kind and don't partake of the occasional joint has reached the personnel office at the store. My sister said she's surprised they do a pee test there instead of the more accurate hair follicle pulling test (which probably costs too much for the low-price giant). The hotel my brother-in-law works at used to only use the hair test. After having a very high rate of positive returns, they decided to quit that. They couldn't find enough qualified people who weren't smoking weed. A compromise had to be reached. Now they just have crappy staff.

Today is the ever-dreaded (not really) orientation. Since I've already worked for this company before, and done the job that I will have, I thought that I might be able to forgo the ritualistic Wal-Mart propagandizing that an afternoon watching WMTV and doing computer modules subjects their staff (sorry, associates) to, but no such luck. So, as of 2:30 PM (central time), I will be a Wal-Mart associate again. As my friend Sadie would say, "Well, slap my ass and call me Sally." Yeah, I almost didn't think this day would arrive (and for a long time, didn't want it to), but I've reconciled myself to this. It's not a forever job. Just a for-now job. And that's okay.

I had a chance to watch Glee last night. Diggin' it. I figured keeping the momentum from the pilot going would be tough, but this crew seems up to the challenge with this episode. You can watch it below. Their performance at the assembly is hilarious!

Comfort zone shmomfort zone

Yeah, you read that title right.

I'm trying to find a way out of my current comfort level (trying to shake things up). Working yet? We'll see.

A personality test I took asked if I prefer the conventional way of things or being more off the cuff, adventurous. What a stupid question! Of course, everyone prefers the conventional way. It's the comfortable way, the familiar way. How silly these people are!

Anyhow, working up the courage to move out of my comfort zone and move (that is geographically move). Is it worth all the scare and hoopla and meeting of the new people and all that? Maybe. We'll see.

Shannon, my sister, has this fabulous idea that I should move to Rochester with them. Upside: daily access to Lily, my niece and resident genius. Upside: no longer worried about going to some places and running into all the wrong people. Upside: moving on. Downside: worry. Downside: packing. Downside: leaving all the right people behind.

It's not like there isn't this handy invention called the telephone. But still, life is rather convenient when you always stay in the same place. It gets "ho hum", but what can you do? It's comfortable.

There's the little genius now.

On another note, Shannon has decided that she and the hubs need to take the little genius on a short vacation. Josh has accumulated too much vacation time again. He wants a "staycation". Shannon wants to get away. I told them I'd help them out - I'll give them one of my bonus vacations out of my package. They're considering Spirit Lake. They don't like to have to drive too far or the munchkin gets restless. It was either there or the Dells yet again. I guess for a vacation that costs gas and $13 a night, either will do.

I, myself, would like to get out to Cape Cod this fall. The overwhelming tourist season will be over, so it might be especially relaxing. I signed up for Airfare Watch Dog emails. They find pretty good deals. Using that with my package might be advantageous.

It's overcast and gloomy. Maybe a good day to clean, then dive into a book. What a yummy notion!